Tajke Th8ose Rotting Vaginas 0ff Yor Feet

When I see someone wearing some amazingly fashionable Chaco Sandals, I immediately get the urge to stab them in the neck and shove my awesome military issued boot up their ass.

The Chaco is known mainly as a water shoe/sandal hybrid that outdoors type people wear.  Some people would say, Chacos are how you tell a real outdoors person from a poser who may be wearing some other type of sandal.  These people are fucking idiots with no concept of what will look good on one's foot.  A person that wears the far overpriced river/hiking sandals known as Chacos, are simply known as Twats.

T - Total
W - Wimpy
A - Appaling
T - Terrible
S - Sandals

Even the name Chaco is a celebrity-I-hate-my-child type of name.  Sounds like a rotting vagina filled with taco meat.  The people that wear these blubbering taco meat rotting vagina shoes will argue with you of how comfortable they are and how they are BioCentric with a foot bed that ensures a proper support.  Because you can stride comfortably in any activity, one can hike and even go river rafting with the ease of just slipping them on.  Sounds like heaven right? 

If your heaven consist of giving you repugnant tan lines from glorified rotting vagina sandals that makes you look like you were a roman slave,  then yeah, they're a whole slice of juicy heaven.


The top 10 reasons why one would want to wear Chaco Sandals

1) They enjoy having  my foot  shoved up their ass
2) Refer to #1
3) Refer to #2
4) Refer to #3
5) Refer to #4
6) Refer to #5
7) Refer to #6
8) Refer to #7
9) Refer to #8
10) Refer to #9

Chaco Sandals are the biggest anti-getting laid footwear ever created.  Hate sex?  Wear Chaco Sandals.  Want to get your ass kicked?  Wear Chaco Sandals.

Now lets have an objectionable, unbiased comparison of a cross hiking/rafting shoe, the SALOMAN's PRO AMPHIBIAN to a Chaco Sandal:

It is so obvious it makes my balls hurt that people still think that Chacos are worth owning.  Take those rotting grilled cheese vaginas off your feet and go kill yourself.

I'm the Horey Ham of Bl0gging

I blog for about a year and then I take a few years off.... I have repeated this cycle over the past decade... I'm like a junkie that can't get rid of the bad habit. I'm basically the Corey Haim of blogging, the Professional Relapser Blogger.

My life gets going so fast and becomes so amazing I don't have time for you, my gentle readers... but alas, here I am again typing vigorously at the keyboard spewing out creative arts of genius.

I'm back working for the man and attempting desperately to give him the finger by writing and creating the thoughts that form in my large brain while doing my job better than anyone has ever done before.

==================

Corey Haim is a jerk and a horrible role model for the young impressionable minds of today. It's a good thing he's dead - professional celebrity relapsers should never come out in public and say they are a life long relapser. What? You want to show everyone that it is okay to start to get your life going again only to become a junkie again and throw your life away - again? He's a self centered bastard that just wanted to make a comeback and wanted the sympathy of the public... screw him. I'm so annoyed I had to read all the status updates on facebook about this prick. Yes, let us recognize a wonderful role model to the minds of the future - Minds of the future: do drugs as a kid and use your hardships in life to attempt to make a comeback in a career that you weren't good at in the first place. I wish he was still alive so I could add him as my facebook friend, cause facebook is the greatest thing on the planet.

People on facebook are morons. Even the friends that I know - I just didn't know how moronic most of them can be. Seriously? I need to know that you are tired and that you've finally made it home?

I don't care.

Just for that, I'm so going to tag your mom. Then I'll poke her.. wait, I'll super poke her.

Facebook is my way of finding out who is a twat and doesn't deserve my real life friendship. "Are you seriously updating your status with that load of garbage? I'm deleting your sorry ass from my phone you pathetic loser."

I think I'm going to start deleting all my "friends" on facebook til there is just me left, as I am the only one worthy of reading my status updates. I'm also the only one worthy of actually looking at my pictures of. By the way, nobody gives a shit about your 1987 frizzy hair with socks over your leggins picture... or for some of you young idiots out there, your 2002 palm on your chin senior highschool picture... Nobody cares, nobody wants to see that. You're an idiot, no one likes you, hence why you spend so much of your time on facebook in the first place.

In case you haven't figured it out yet...

My Life is STILL Better Than Yours.

Conqering the Wold

It was a crisp Saturday morning after a gentle rain through the night. The wind slightly brushed up against the windows as I yawned quietly. I was contemplating whether or not to make one of my awesome man-wiches for breakfast as I softly hummed the Super Mario Bros. song when suddenly...

"UNCLE T!!!!!"

... shot out of the mouths of my niece and nephew with such a force that the kids in Haiti were worried for them.

I was playing my niece and nephew in the new Super Mario Brothers on the wii. My nephew is extremely good at all the wii games. He's turning 6 years old this month and I'm annoyed to say, he can actually beat me in various games on the wii. With the motion of the wii remote in how you play most games, he definitely has the advantage.

In the wii Mario Brothers though, you turn your wii remote sideways and play old school style. Yeah baby.... Something that my little punk 5 year old nephew didn't know was that I was like the Karate Kid on the Nintendo. Someone was about to get their ass handed to them.

The game, if you are unfamiliar with it, is that you work together for a common goal... a common good, all work together, there are enough mushrooms for everyone, there is enough extra player bonus for everyone... I gave a sinister smile as I chopped their Socialism crap game with my superior Capitalism skills.

With my cat like reflexes I was hopping and running and taking all the mushrooms and other extra goodies that I could. I was also using my awesome Smart Car Turbo Charged like speed to jump and run ahead of them leaving them in the dust. That's right baby... I was DOMINATING them...

I was owning my 5 year old nephew and 8 year old niece... I started laughing at their inferior skills ... as they got more frustrated and yelled "UNCLE T!" more and more, I just laughed harder as my fingers were on a mission to destroy those in a Darwin fashion as they could not keep up.

My nephew did what is called a body slam and I fell into the hot lava killing my character instantly.... Of course I laughed cause he got me, and it was hilarious what you could do now with the games.

Using my Old School Nintendo Ninja style skills, I quickly maneuvered into position and using the new controls of the new game, I picked up my nephew's character and threw him off the edge and repeated the process throwing my niece off the edge laughing....

"UNCLE T!!!!!!!"

BWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

They were getting madder and madder - more frustrated as they were no match for the skills of this 31 year old.

I was kicking an 8 year old & a 5 year old's ass on the wii....It was freakin awesome - I felt empowered and mighty. I felt like I could conquer the world...I was conquering the world - the Super Mario World....

It was amazing.

I'm Amazing.

I Love Myself.