Is Everbody Dum?

The prick started checking Kung Fu China's groceries while I am staring at this protuberance lump of disorganized bullshit in my hand.

What the fuck?

After the asshole shock has worn off, I start to get my change put away in the correct places on my body, I say, "Just one minute, I'll be done in a second..."

Stop checking the blind Kung Fu China asshole!  I think to myself as I correctly place my change in my right side front pocket, money in my wallet and receipt back into the bag.

JUST FUCKING WAIT TIL I AM DONE BEFORE CHECKING THE NEXT PERSON!!!!

Now I'm getting an obviously impatient Kung Fu China behind me as she is trying to make me speed up and get out of her way... I should have round house kicked the bitch in the throat after she crippled me.

Hope this wrist guard wearin twat cashier has a few beers and drives home.  Asshole.

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I believe I have everything I need for the next three days..  Let me just do a once over my shopping cart and compare it to my excel spreadsheet:

50 ibs of rice - check

20 ibs of frozen potstickers - check

4 dozen Eggs - check

Extra MSG soy sauce - check

Mushrooms - check

Fresh fish - check

Garlic - check

All checked and it looks like I will be under budget.  Thank God I was a straight A student that excelled in math.  Luckily for me most of the family is out of town this week.  I only need to feed 7 us of this weekend.

I start heading to check stand #8 as it is a pretty short line.  As I'm checking my groceries against my excel spreadsheet again, some round eyed cuts in front of me!  I decide to ram my cart into him so he will learn a lesson. 

He is amazingly ripped and extremely manly so I better calm him down and act like I don't know English very well:

"You go to fast, I not see you step in front of me."

Ha!  I learned to milk my ethnic background when I was younger playing with my Hello Kitty collection.  I love America.

I'm glad round eyes in front of me only has a few items in his basket.  He gets checked out quickly but is still standing in front of me.... why is he staring at his hand?   What is wrong with round eyed people?   That's it, I can't take this anymore, I'm going to start placing my stuff down on the counter to make him speed up.

Now I understand why round eyes needed to copy off my test scores in school.

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I got two days left before the weekend.  I need to get some quick food supplies.  I make my list on a 2x2 post it note I found stuck to the side of my counter:

Eggs

Tuna

Spinach

Bannanas

Bread

I keep it simple as I do not want to spend a lot of time in the grocery store.  I just need a few supplies to get myself to the end of the weekend.

After arriving at the grocery store, I notice it is busier than normal which automatically makes me annoyed.  Don't these people have a family?  A life?  Why do they have to shop on the weekday?  Plan your weekends better asshole so I don't have to see you at the grocery store.  I have shopping to do during the weekday and I don't want to see you there as well.

I cruise around the grocery store like R. Kelly through a playground grabbing everything I need as fast as I can.

I quickly scan my shopping basket to make sure I have everything:

Eggs - Check

Tuna - Check

Spinach - Check

Bannanas - Check

Bread - Check

I want to be in and out and done like a 16 year old boy having sex with the girl he told he loved just to get into her pants.  I am just carrying a basket, but I still find myself fighting cart traffic and being defensive.  I'm kinda vulnerable and forced to be defensive without a push cart.  I'm like the only white guy on the basketball court that just plays hardcore defense.

I'm bobbing and weaving like a Mexican running from a fat security guard at Marine World when I finally spot a short line at checkout stand #8.

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"Hey bro you have a great day now okay?"

Man I love my job.  There is nothing like seeing a sea of people and talking with them as I scan their groceries.  Over and over and over... that's all I do.  Man I love my job!

"Hey bro, how's it going?"

"Fine."  The overpowering stallion said to me. 

Man I love my job!  Though I have to admit, my wrists started hurting a few weeks ago.  I think I am getting carpal tunnel from keying in some of the groceries.  Even though I only key in 1 item every 10 minutes.  I also key in the money so obviously, I have carpal tunnel.  That's okay, these new black wrist guards will do the trick.  I can even do my job faster now - faster without pain.  

I love my wrist supports.

I love my job.  

There is nothing like scanning other people's groceries over and over again.  Man I love my job!

I finish up with another happy customer and hand him his change.  I start checking the sweet Asian lady behind  him when I notice he's just staring at his hand.  That's weird. 

"Just one minute, I'll be done in a second..." he says still staring at his hand.

I just ignore him and smile.

Man I love my job!

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As I walk up to checkout stand #8, a little Chinese woman (herein after referred to as "Kung Fu China") hits me with her cart.  Typically I would round house kick her in the neck, but I was in a hurry to get out of the store.   She actually has the nerve to say, "You go to fast, I not see you step in front of me."

Like it's my fault the bitch is blind.

I'm so annoyed with Kung Fu China that I don't even realize that the cashier started checking me.

The cashier makes eye contact with me and says, "Hey bro, how's it going?"

"Fine." I say in a raspy annoyed voice as I notice the checker wearing wrist guards.  What is it with checkers that wear wrist guards?  Seriously?  Is it so fucking difficult to slide food across a scanner that you need wrist guards?    Is everybody dumb?

The checker finishes up and gives me the total.  Not being much I get out my check book to write...

Just kidding, only fucking assholes write checks in grocery stores.  Only assholes who wear Chaco Sandals and believe in Sex Addiction(dot com) write checks in grocery stores.  Idiots.

I give the checker my hard cold cash and the checker does the BIGGEST Asshole move known to mankind:

WHO DOES THAT????  

WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT?

Seq Addiction is bullsh8t...dot com

Since apparently everyone in the world is a moron who can barely remember to breathe, let me slap some intelligence into your dumb fucking skulls.


Sex Addiction is BULLSHIT... dot com.


Don't believe me?  Read this carefully...


Sex Addiction is BULLSHIT... dot com.

If you disagree, stop reading and go kill yourself right now.  

This is such a simple concept and yet, here I am, forced to waste my time trying to slap the stupid out of you.

Celebrities have made this ridiculous term very common in the media.  From Michael Douglas, Charlie Sheen to the recent Jesse James and Tiger Woods scandals, sex addiction is forced down our throats over and over.


I'm tired of hearing about it and how these people are going to a rehab facility to receive treatment for something that doesn't exist.  The celebrities spend anywhere from 30K to 60K per month on the rehab that gives them an excuse for not keeping their pants on.  If the rehab didn't cost so much, anyone who has ever cheated would be going to rehab. 

I totally agree with you TIMMY!  Anyone who uses Sex Addiction as a "get out of jail card" are assholes!  And it hurts the people that really do have a sex addiction.

READ THE FUCKING TITLE ASSHOLE!  Sex addiction doesn't exist for ANYONE.  It's a made up term from losers that suffer from self helplessness.  

What about pornography?  Or masturbation?  Those can be serious addictions that can alter one's life and ruin relationships!

You morons need to shut your yammering skull heads for being such a fucking dipshit in believing such garbage.  If that was true, then I've had a sex addiction since I was 11 years old as I locked my room so I could yank the root while staring at Victoria Secret Magazine cutouts.  

Sex addiction is nothing more than a myth, a by-product of our obtuse culture.

I can still feel the stupidness pouring out of your fat dumb heads as you sit there reading this.  Let me explain this in laymen terms, but for you this will be stupid hard; so grab a dictionary and find a tutor to assist you to read the following:

Sex Addiction is bullshit... dot com

Sex is thrown at us in every direction.  Sex sells in every category for consumer purchases - even in TV shows - sex sells ratings.   What does that mean?  What does this have to do with sex addiction?  Nothing - sex is just good and it is a good business plan.

If I do any of the following:

• Have sex with everyone that will pull their pants down for me
• Sit at home and stare at porn
• Go to sex chat sites
• Masturbate excessively
• Have cybersex excessively
• Pay for hookers 
• Have phone sex excessively
• Going to see hookers that give massages - yes you fucking idiots, massage therapists that massage your cock are hookers and they do more than choke chickens - morons
•  Obsessive dating through personal ads
• Extra marital affairs

It doesn't mean I have a sex addiction.  I will do them because I can or because I want to just like everyone else.

Every single fucking person has control to stop any of the above actions - those that choose not to and get in trouble because of it scream Sex Addiction - "Help me cause I can't control it - it's not my fault."

Bullshit.



The most recent published Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders by The American Psychiatric Association, doesn't recognize Sexual Addiction as a diagnosis.  Why?  Say it with me you ignoramus morons...Sex Addiction is bullshit... dot com

Here is a great book for those that have been with a person that came groveling to you in a helpless apologetic manner for doing something they couldn't control because they are a sex addict.  You being the caring, loving wonderful person you are, decided to help them through their sex addiction and be understanding.  This book was made especially for you - Click Here.


I know you are sitting there trying to get your empty head around this simple fact and the big words I've written today.  Trying to explain this concept to you is like telling a Mexican he's not allowed to come over the boarder.  Yet, there you are, still believing in sex addiction and there is Jose, still running.

Sex Addiction is BULLSHIT... dot com.


Believing in Sex addiction is like wearing gray socks with Chaco Sandals while writing checks in a grocery store.

Idiots. 

Tajke Th8ose Rotting Vaginas 0ff Yor Feet

When I see someone wearing some amazingly fashionable Chaco Sandals, I immediately get the urge to stab them in the neck and shove my awesome military issued boot up their ass.

The Chaco is known mainly as a water shoe/sandal hybrid that outdoors type people wear.  Some people would say, Chacos are how you tell a real outdoors person from a poser who may be wearing some other type of sandal.  These people are fucking idiots with no concept of what will look good on one's foot.  A person that wears the far overpriced river/hiking sandals known as Chacos, are simply known as Twats.

T - Total
W - Wimpy
A - Appaling
T - Terrible
S - Sandals

Even the name Chaco is a celebrity-I-hate-my-child type of name.  Sounds like a rotting vagina filled with taco meat.  The people that wear these blubbering taco meat rotting vagina shoes will argue with you of how comfortable they are and how they are BioCentric with a foot bed that ensures a proper support.  Because you can stride comfortably in any activity, one can hike and even go river rafting with the ease of just slipping them on.  Sounds like heaven right? 

If your heaven consist of giving you repugnant tan lines from glorified rotting vagina sandals that makes you look like you were a roman slave,  then yeah, they're a whole slice of juicy heaven.


The top 10 reasons why one would want to wear Chaco Sandals

1) They enjoy having  my foot  shoved up their ass
2) Refer to #1
3) Refer to #2
4) Refer to #3
5) Refer to #4
6) Refer to #5
7) Refer to #6
8) Refer to #7
9) Refer to #8
10) Refer to #9

Chaco Sandals are the biggest anti-getting laid footwear ever created.  Hate sex?  Wear Chaco Sandals.  Want to get your ass kicked?  Wear Chaco Sandals.

Now lets have an objectionable, unbiased comparison of a cross hiking/rafting shoe, the SALOMAN's PRO AMPHIBIAN to a Chaco Sandal:

It is so obvious it makes my balls hurt that people still think that Chacos are worth owning.  Take those rotting grilled cheese vaginas off your feet and go kill yourself.

I'm the Horey Ham of Bl0gging

I blog for about a year and then I take a few years off.... I have repeated this cycle over the past decade... I'm like a junkie that can't get rid of the bad habit. I'm basically the Corey Haim of blogging, the Professional Relapser Blogger.

My life gets going so fast and becomes so amazing I don't have time for you, my gentle readers... but alas, here I am again typing vigorously at the keyboard spewing out creative arts of genius.

I'm back working for the man and attempting desperately to give him the finger by writing and creating the thoughts that form in my large brain while doing my job better than anyone has ever done before.

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Corey Haim is a jerk and a horrible role model for the young impressionable minds of today. It's a good thing he's dead - professional celebrity relapsers should never come out in public and say they are a life long relapser. What? You want to show everyone that it is okay to start to get your life going again only to become a junkie again and throw your life away - again? He's a self centered bastard that just wanted to make a comeback and wanted the sympathy of the public... screw him. I'm so annoyed I had to read all the status updates on facebook about this prick. Yes, let us recognize a wonderful role model to the minds of the future - Minds of the future: do drugs as a kid and use your hardships in life to attempt to make a comeback in a career that you weren't good at in the first place. I wish he was still alive so I could add him as my facebook friend, cause facebook is the greatest thing on the planet.

People on facebook are morons. Even the friends that I know - I just didn't know how moronic most of them can be. Seriously? I need to know that you are tired and that you've finally made it home?

I don't care.

Just for that, I'm so going to tag your mom. Then I'll poke her.. wait, I'll super poke her.

Facebook is my way of finding out who is a twat and doesn't deserve my real life friendship. "Are you seriously updating your status with that load of garbage? I'm deleting your sorry ass from my phone you pathetic loser."

I think I'm going to start deleting all my "friends" on facebook til there is just me left, as I am the only one worthy of reading my status updates. I'm also the only one worthy of actually looking at my pictures of. By the way, nobody gives a shit about your 1987 frizzy hair with socks over your leggins picture... or for some of you young idiots out there, your 2002 palm on your chin senior highschool picture... Nobody cares, nobody wants to see that. You're an idiot, no one likes you, hence why you spend so much of your time on facebook in the first place.

In case you haven't figured it out yet...

My Life is STILL Better Than Yours.