The prick started checking Kung Fu China's groceries while I am staring at this protuberance lump of disorganized bullshit in my hand.
What the fuck?
After the asshole shock has worn off, I start to get my change put away in the correct places on my body, I say, "Just one minute, I'll be done in a second..."
Stop checking the blind Kung Fu China asshole! I think to myself as I correctly place my change in my right side front pocket, money in my wallet and receipt back into the bag.
JUST FUCKING WAIT TIL I AM DONE BEFORE CHECKING THE NEXT PERSON!!!!
Now I'm getting an obviously impatient Kung Fu China behind me as she is trying to make me speed up and get out of her way... I should have round house kicked the bitch in the throat after she crippled me.
Hope this wrist guard wearin twat cashier has a few beers and drives home. Asshole.
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I believe I have everything I need for the next three days.. Let me just do a once over my shopping cart and compare it to my excel spreadsheet:
50 ibs of rice - check
20 ibs of frozen potstickers - check
4 dozen Eggs - check
Extra MSG soy sauce - check
Mushrooms - check
Fresh fish - check
Garlic - check
All checked and it looks like I will be under budget. Thank God I was a straight A student that excelled in math. Luckily for me most of the family is out of town this week. I only need to feed 7 us of this weekend.
I start heading to check stand #8 as it is a pretty short line. As I'm checking my groceries against my excel spreadsheet again, some round eyed cuts in front of me! I decide to ram my cart into him so he will learn a lesson.
He is amazingly ripped and extremely manly so I better calm him down and act like I don't know English very well:
"You go to fast, I not see you step in front of me."
Ha! I learned to milk my ethnic background when I was younger playing with my Hello Kitty collection. I love America.
I'm glad round eyes in front of me only has a few items in his basket. He gets checked out quickly but is still standing in front of me.... why is he staring at his hand? What is wrong with round eyed people? That's it, I can't take this anymore, I'm going to start placing my stuff down on the counter to make him speed up.
Now I understand why round eyes needed to copy off my test scores in school.
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I got two days left before the weekend. I need to get some quick food supplies. I make my list on a 2x2 post it note I found stuck to the side of my counter:
Eggs
Tuna
Spinach
Bannanas
Bread
I keep it simple as I do not want to spend a lot of time in the grocery store. I just need a few supplies to get myself to the end of the weekend.
After arriving at the grocery store, I notice it is busier than normal which automatically makes me annoyed. Don't these people have a family? A life? Why do they have to shop on the weekday? Plan your weekends better asshole so I don't have to see you at the grocery store. I have shopping to do during the weekday and I don't want to see you there as well.
I cruise around the grocery store like R. Kelly through a playground grabbing everything I need as fast as I can.
I quickly scan my shopping basket to make sure I have everything:
Eggs - Check
Tuna - Check
Spinach - Check
Bannanas - Check
Bread - Check
I want to be in and out and done like a 16 year old boy having sex with the girl he told he loved just to get into her pants. I am just carrying a basket, but I still find myself fighting cart traffic and being defensive. I'm kinda vulnerable and forced to be defensive without a push cart. I'm like the only white guy on the basketball court that just plays hardcore defense.
I'm bobbing and weaving like a Mexican running from a fat security guard at Marine World when I finally spot a short line at checkout stand #8.
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"Hey bro you have a great day now okay?"
Man I love my job. There is nothing like seeing a sea of people and talking with them as I scan their groceries. Over and over and over... that's all I do. Man I love my job!
"Hey bro, how's it going?"
"Fine." The overpowering stallion said to me.
Man I love my job! Though I have to admit, my wrists started hurting a few weeks ago. I think I am getting carpal tunnel from keying in some of the groceries. Even though I only key in 1 item every 10 minutes. I also key in the money so obviously, I have carpal tunnel. That's okay, these new black wrist guards will do the trick. I can even do my job faster now - faster without pain.
I love my wrist supports.
I love my job.
There is nothing like scanning other people's groceries over and over again. Man I love my job!
I finish up with another happy customer and hand him his change. I start checking the sweet Asian lady behind him when I notice he's just staring at his hand. That's weird.
"Just one minute, I'll be done in a second..." he says still staring at his hand.
I just ignore him and smile.
Man I love my job!
Man I love my job!
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As I walk up to checkout stand #8, a little Chinese woman (herein after referred to as "Kung Fu China") hits me with her cart. Typically I would round house kick her in the neck, but I was in a hurry to get out of the store. She actually has the nerve to say, "You go to fast, I not see you step in front of me."
Like it's my fault the bitch is blind.
I'm so annoyed with Kung Fu China that I don't even realize that the cashier started checking me.
The cashier makes eye contact with me and says, "Hey bro, how's it going?"
"Fine." I say in a raspy annoyed voice as I notice the checker wearing wrist guards. What is it with checkers that wear wrist guards? Seriously? Is it so fucking difficult to slide food across a scanner that you need wrist guards? Is everybody dumb?
The checker finishes up and gives me the total. Not being much I get out my check book to write...
Just kidding, only fucking assholes write checks in grocery stores. Only assholes who wear Chaco Sandals and believe in Sex Addiction(dot com) write checks in grocery stores. Idiots.
I give the checker my hard cold cash and the checker does the BIGGEST Asshole move known to mankind:
WHO DOES THAT????
WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT?
